


Untitled #3

by inalasahl



Category: Firefly
Genre: Community: ff_friday, F/M, POV Second Person, Wingfic, change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-06-20
Updated: 2003-06-20
Packaged: 2017-10-08 06:34:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/73718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inalasahl/pseuds/inalasahl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zoe thinks about some of the changes she's been through in her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Untitled #3

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the ["change" challenge at ff_friday](http://community.livejournal.com/ff_friday/tag/011%20%28change%29) on livejournal.

River's screams in the night rarely lasted for long. Before you were even fully awake, they'd stop, and you'd roll back over certain that Simon was taking care of her. Sometimes you'd hear her shouting, but that was no big deal. Just a part of the sounds of Serenity, like the rattle of a catwalk or the hum of the engine.

Then one night the screams go on. They don't stop. You sit up and your husband does, too. You bite your lip to keep from telling him to wait here, and you both get dressed in silence. You pick up a gun, and he does, too. He can shoot. You know he can shoot. You taught him how in between jobs. It's a change, and you don't like it, but you bite your lip. Change happens and you just have to go with it.

You open the door cautiously. The screams are on the move. River is on the move. They don't move too far, and you relax and put your gun away. Your husband gives you a puzzled look. "Infirmary," you say. Must just be a bad night.

"Poor kid," Wash says. You nod. Poor kid. Poor River. Poor Simon.

The screams stop. Simon must have doped her. Wash takes your gun and disappears back into your bunk. You think he's going back to sleep, but you feel restless now. Maybe you'll walk the ship, see if the doc needs anything. You're surprised when Wash's arms settle around you and he kisses the back of your neck. He snuck up on you. That doesn't happen often, and you're disgusted for a moment and a little unsettled. Inattention can get you killed. Then you remember that you're not on the job and the war is over. You lean back against your husband and nuzzle his neck. He smells good. Clean. Trustworthy.

You remember Zoe that was. The wild one. The youngest child who liked to run and play ball more than read a book. She was loved, even if her parents didn't quite understand it. They understood her sister, the future scientist. Zoe came home one day to find her sister crying brokenly in front of the house. "They closed the university," she said. "They took my research away."

Mal never asked why you joined. Mal was more inclined to wonder why people didn't join. Mal also never asked why you stayed with him. You never forgot the look on your sister's face. That's why you joined. And you never forgot your inability to help your sister. That's why you stayed. At the end, at Serenity Valley, Mal had that look.

There is another Zoe that was. One who learned to be quiet, to keep her head down, to sit still for hours in the mud. Her parents would have been surprised. "Not my little whirlwind," dad would have said with a smile. It was a hard change, but you got used to it.

There are two Zoes, and they have yet to reach an agreement. It'd be easier to be Mal's Zoe. Wash complicates things. You remember other ways of being. Uncertainties.

At night in your bunk he makes you laugh, and you don't care which Zoe you are: the child, the young woman or something new. You are you, and you like to laugh.

You walk down toward the infirmary with his arms around you and he tells you that he's bringing River some of his dinosaurs. "She likes them," he says. "I think." He shrugs. "She steals them a lot." His arms are strong enough to hug the entire 'verse.

When you get to the infirmary there is blood, and River is lying on her stomach. Simon is stitching together torn skin on her back. You look and you can't believe your eyes. "Is it just me or are those wings?" Wash asks. River's head turns. She is drugged, but not out. Wash puts a dinosaur in her hand. It's a big one, long-tailed. Megalosaurus. You know it's his favorite.

You look at him, and there it is again. Love. For a moment you can't breathe. Change is worth it.

You kneel down so River can see your eyes. Searching for words. You use words sparingly. You trace the tip of a wing with your finger. You can see she's frightened of them. Frightened of herself. "Things change," you say. You wonder if she is reading your mind. You hope she is. "People change. They're just wings. We all grow them at some point."

Finis

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Untitled #3 [Podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9006385) by [blackglass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackglass/pseuds/blackglass)




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